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今天下午，韩国艺人崔雪莉在家中被确认死亡，死因疑似抑郁症。根据经纪人的说法，崔雪莉一直都患有严重的抑郁症，而昨日最后一次跟经纪人通话后再无音讯，今天就传来了死亡的消息。
这是一个令人扼腕叹息的消息，也是抑郁症夺走的另一条年轻的生命。微信的用户很喜欢看崔雪莉的直播，目前关于崔雪莉的消息，依旧是直播居多。
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这位出生于1994年的年轻女孩，2005年出道，上演过《海盗》等电影，在直播方面也有不少的人气。早前崔雪莉直播疑似走光，引来一大堆唏嘘。有网友表示，崔雪莉可能是因为走光羞愧自杀。
这个说法本是无稽之谈，但是结合抑郁症的症状，这件事似乎变得更加可信起来。抑郁症在现代出现的频率越来越高，患病人群越来越多。根据报告，现代年轻人普遍患有轻微抑郁症。
2003年，患有严重抑郁症的张国荣在高楼下结束了自己的生命，掀开了抑郁症的时代大门。抑郁症在大部分场合，被称之为神经病。因为郁抑症在很多行为上，不能被常人所理解。
他们孤僻、软弱、极端、失落，他们情绪非常不稳定。这不是单纯的心理问题，而是一种广泛的疾病。甚至有人说，“只要活着就会有郁抑症”。
无论多坚强的人都可能患上抑郁，而正像其他任何疾病一样，不及时治疗就会有生命危险。作为抑郁患者，讲者说道：抑郁的反面不是快乐，而是活力。
今天推荐给大家的视频是2013年美国TED论坛上的演讲，演讲者本人所罗门曾是抑郁症患者，现为美国哥伦比亚大学医学中心临床心理学教授。在这个演讲中，他没有像一个医生或导师那样，居高临下地指导人们如何防御和治疗抑郁症，而是以亲身经历给我们上了一堂生命课，告诉人们抑郁症患者的真实生命状态，同时告诉处于抑郁中的人们，请找到一种方法接受并爱抑郁着的自己。
[iframe]https://v.qq.com/iframe/preview.html?width=500&height=375&auto=0&vid=v0893ga4dgq[/iframe]
当一个人患上抑郁症时，他究竟会怎么样？《走近抑郁》的作家，曾这样描述：当抑郁发作时，即使有张500万的支票放在五米开外的地方，你很想去捡，但是你又懒得起身去捡。
Andrew Solomon回忆起亲身经历也说：“时间从我的身体中慢慢消失了，所有需要完成的事情都感觉那么麻烦。回到家的时候，看着电话留言机上闪烁的红灯，我不但不会因为听到朋友们的声音感到兴奋反而会想怎么有这么多人等我回电话；有时该吃午饭了，我却开始想，我还得把食物拿出来 放到盘子里得切，得嚼，得咽让我感觉就像耶稣受难一样。
当一个人患上抑郁症时，他面临的难题并不是不行动，而是找不到行动的理由以及行动后的意义。他们会变得对存在的真相过分执着。
"抑郁的反面不是快乐, 而是活力. 而抑郁的时候, 我们变得死气沉沉." 在这次深刻而颠覆性地演讲中, 安德鲁·所罗门将我们带入了与抑郁抗争的那段日子中, 他思想中最深谙的角落. 抑郁的经历让他开始环游世界寻找并采访其他的抑郁症患者——结果他发现, 随着他演讲次数的增多, 越来越多的人开始跟他分享自己的故事。
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安德鲁所罗门（1963.10.30-），美国作家，现居纽约及伦敦，作品涉及政治、文化和心理学。曾为《纽约时报》、《纽约客》等报纸专栏作家，作品内容多包括抑郁、苏联艺术、阿富汗及利比亚地区的文艺复兴，其代表作品《走出抑郁》获得2001年美国国家图书奖、2002普利策新闻奖最终提名，被《时代》杂志列入十年百部最佳作品；现为美国哥伦比亚大学医学中心临床心理学教授。
抑郁症，是怎样痛苦的一种体验？![]()
As a student ofadversity, I've been struck over the years by how some people with majorchallenges seem to draw strength from them, and I've heard the popular wisdomthat that has to do with finding meaning. And for a long time, I thought themeaning was out there, some great truth waiting to be found.
我从逆境中学习：这些年来，我一次又一次被人们如何从极大的挑战中得到力量而震撼，人们说，这和找寻生命的意义有关。很长一段时间，我以为生命的意义在某一处 它是等待被发掘的真理。
But over time, I've cometo feel that the truth is irrelevant. We call it finding meaning, but we mightbetter call it forging meaning.
但随着时间的迁移，我渐渐感到真理无关紧要，我们称它为找寻意义，但或许我们该更准确地称它铸造意义。
My last book was abouthow families manage to deal with various kinds of challenging or unusualoffspring, and one of the mothers I interviewed, who had two children withmultiple severe disabilities, said to me, "People always give us theselittle sayings like, 'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle,' butchildren like ours are not preordained as a gift. They're a gift because that'swhat we have chosen."
我上一本书讲的是家庭如何应对各种让人伤脑筋的，或不寻常的儿女们，我访问了一位有两名患有多重残疾的孩童的母亲，她对我说：“人们总是给予我们一些所谓的名言，例如‘上帝不会给你多过你能承载的’但是像我家这样的孩子并不是天生就注定是份礼物。他们是一份礼物，是因为我们选择如此。”
We make those choices allour lives. When I was in second grade, Bobby Finkel had a birthday party andinvited everyone in our class but me. My mother assumed there had been somesort of error, and she called Mrs.
我们一生中有很多这样的选择。我小学二年级的时候，鲍比开了个生日派对 他邀请了班上的所有人，除了我 。我妈妈认为一定是出了什么差错，所以给鲍比的母亲打了电话。
Finkel, who said that Bobby didn't like meand didn't want me at his party. And that day, my mom took me to the zoo andout for a hot fudge sundae. When I was in seventh grade, one of the kids on myschool bus nicknamed me "Percy" as a shorthand for my demeanor, andsometimes, he and his cohort would chant that provocation the entire school busride, 45 minutes up, 45 minutes back, "Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
鲍比的母亲说，鲍比不喜欢我，不想让我参加他的派对。那天，我妈妈带我去了动物园 并去吃了焦糖冰激凌。我在7年级（初中一年级）时，我乘坐的校车上有个孩子叫我：‘波西’（发音似女式手提包）取笑我的言行举止，有时，他和他的伙伴会在整个校车的路途上不停的吆喝着这个挑衅，去学校的45分钟，回家的45分钟，‘波西！波西！波西！波西！’
When I was in eighth grade, our science teacher told us that all malehomosexuals develop fecal incontinence because of the trauma to their analsphincter. And I graduated high school without ever going to the cafeteria,where I would have sat with the girls and been laughed at for doing so, or satwith the boys and been laughed at for being a boy who should be sitting withthe girls.
当我8年级（初中二年级）的时候，我们的科学老师告诉我们，所有的男性同性恋者 都会大便失禁因为他们的肛门肌肉受到创伤。我直到高中毕业，我都从没去过学校的食堂，在那儿我如果和女生坐在一起，那么我会被笑话，或者如果我和男生坐在一起 ，那么我会被笑话为一个本应该跟女生坐在一起的男生。
I survived that childhoodthrough a mix of avoidance and endurance. What I didn't know then, and do knownow, is that avoidance and endurance can be the entryway to forging meaning.
我用了忍耐加上逃避，才熬过了我的童年。我当时不知道，但我现在明白了：逃避和忍耐是铸造意义的入口通道。
After you've forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a newidentity. You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come tobe, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative oftriumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.
铸造了意义以后，你必须把这个意义融入 一个新的身份。你需要把创伤变成你自身的一部分，你必须把生命中最糟糕的时间，揉搓成胜利的故事，用更好的自己来还击能伤害你的事物。
One of the other mothersI interviewed when I was working on my book had been raped as an adolescent,and had a child following that rape, which had thrown away her career plans anddamaged all of her emotional relationships.
我在写我的书时，访问了一位母亲，她年少时被强奸，而在那之后她怀了孩子，这摧毁了她的事业计划也使她的情感关系受创。
But when I met her, she was 50, andI said to her, "Do you often think about the man who raped you?" Andshe said, "I used to think about him with anger, but now only withpity." And I thought she meant pity because he was so unevolved as to havedone this terrible thing.
当我遇见她时，她已经50岁了，我问她，“你常想起那个强奸你的男人吗？”而她回答道：“我曾经对他很气愤，但现在只有怜悯。”我以为她所说的怜悯是因为只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
And I said, "Pity?" And she said,"Yes, because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildrenand he doesn't know that, and I do. So as it turns out, I'm the luckyone."
我问她：“怜悯？”她回答到：“是的，因为他有一个美丽的女儿和两个美丽的孙子孙女，但他并不知道，而我知道。所以显然，我是幸运的。”
Some of our struggles arethings we're born to: our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability. Andsome are things that happen to us: being a political prisoner, being a rapevictim, being a Katrina survivor.
有些挣扎是先天的：我们的性别，性倾向，种族，残疾。有些是后天发生的事情： 成为政治犯，成为强奸的受害者，成为飓风卡特里娜的幸存者。
Identity involves entering a community todraw strength from that community, and to give strength there too. It involvessubstituting "and" for "but" -- not "I am here but I havecancer," but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
身份意味着进入一个社群从社群中得到力量，并同时给予那社群力量。这需要把“但是”转换成“而且”不是“我在这儿但是我有癌症”而是，“我有癌症而且我在这里。”
When we're ashamed, wecan't tell our stories, and stories are the foundation of identity. Forgemeaning, build identity, forge meaning and build identity. That became mymantra. Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
当我们对自己感到惭愧，我们就无法阐述自己的故事，而故事是身份的基础。铸造意义，建立身份，铸造意义并建立身份，这变成了我的口头禅。铸造意义所需要的是改变自己。
Building identity is aboutchanging the world. All of us with stigmatized identities face this questiondaily: how much to accommodate society by constraining ourselves, and how muchto break the limits of what constitutes a valid life? Forging meaning andbuilding identity does not make what was wrong right. It only makes what waswrong precious.
建立身份所需要的是改变世界。所有像我这样身份沾有污点的人每天都必须面对这个问题：我该多大限度地通过禁锢自己来迁就社会，我该多大限度地打破所谓，正确生活的底线？铸造意义和建立身份不会把错的变成对的，只会把错误的变得珍贵。
In January of this year,I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners, and I was surprised to findthem less bitter than I'd anticipated. Most of them had knowingly committed theoffenses that landed them in prison, and they had walked in with their headsheld high, and they walked out with their heads still held high, many yearslater.
今年一月，我前往缅甸访问政治囚犯，而我惊讶地发现他们没有我想象中的那么怀恨。他们大多在知情的情况下犯下了让他们入狱的罪行，而他们昂首挺胸地走入监狱，多年后，他们依然昂首 地走出监狱。
Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist who had nearly died inprison and had spent many years in solitary confinement, told me she wasgrateful to her jailers for the time she had had to think, for the wisdom shehad gained, for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
马提达博士，一位人活跃的权运动领袖曾经几乎丧命于狱中，并在单独禁锢中度过多年，但她告诉我她很感谢她的囚监给她思考的时间，让她得到了许多的智慧，和增进她的沉思的能力。
She had soughtmeaning and made her travail into a crucial identity. But if the people I metwere less bitter than I'd anticipated about being in prison, they were alsoless thrilled than I'd expected about the reform process going on in theircountry.
她追寻了意义，并把她受的难变成了重要的身份。但如果我见到的人们没我想象的中那么怀恨他们在狱中的时间，他们也没有我想象的对他们国家的政治改革那么高兴。
Ma Thida said, "We Burmese are noted for our tremendous graceunder pressure, but we also have grievance under glamour," she said,"and the fact that there have been these shifts and changes doesn't erasethe continuing problems in our society that we learned to see so well while wewere in prison."
马提达说：“我们缅甸人出了名的在压力下能保持优雅，但在华丽表象下却有不满，”他说道，“我们曾经历这些动荡和改变并不能消除我们在狱中学会看清的社会中长久以来的问题。”
And I understood her tobe saying that concessions confer only a little humanity, where full humanityis due, that crumbs are not the same as a place at the table, which is to sayyou can forge meaning and build identity and still be mad as hell.
而我所理解她所说的是相比完整的人性所需要的，妥协换来的只是一小部分的人性 ，这就像面包屑并不等于饭桌前就餐的位置，而这意味着你可以在铸造意义和寻求身份的同时十分气愤。
I've never been raped, and I've never been in anything remotely approaching a Burmese prison, but as agay American, I've experienced prejudice and even hatred, and I've forgedmeaning and I've built identity, which is a move I learned from people who hadexperienced far worse privation than I've ever known.
我不曾被强奸，我也不曾体验过任何接近缅甸监狱的事情，但身为一名同性恋的美国人，我经历过歧视甚至仇恨，而我也曾铸造过意义和建造了身份，这是我从经历过比我更多困苦的人身上学习到的法则。
In my own adolescence, I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight. I enrolled myself in somethingcalled sexual surrogacy therapy, in which people I was encouraged to calldoctors prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises with women I wasencouraged to call surrogates, who were not exactly prostitutes but who werealso not exactly anything else.
我年少时，曾经千辛万苦地努力成为异性恋者。我为自己报名参加了称为性替代品的疗法。所谓的医生为我和所谓替代品女人规定了所谓的练习，她们并不是妓女，但除了妓女却也什么都不是。
(Laughter) My particular favorite was a blondewoman from the Deep South who eventually admitted to me that she was really anecrophiliac and had taken this job after she got in trouble down at themorgue.
（笑声）我最喜爱的是从南部来的一位金发女郎，她最终向我坦白她是个恋尸癖，在她在停尸房中出了事儿后，才接受了这份工作。
These experienceseventually allowed me to have some happy physical relationships with women, forwhich I'm grateful, but I was at war with myself, and I dug terrible woundsinto my own psyche.
这些经历最终让我和一些女人发生了愉快的肉体关系，我对此抱有感激，但我也和自己不断的战斗，我在自身的心灵里划下了了严重的伤。
We don't seek the painfulexperiences that hew our identities, but we seek our identities in the wake ofpainful experiences. We cannot bear a pointless torment, but we can enduregreat pain if we believe that it's purposeful. Ease makes less of an impressionon us than struggle.
我们不寻求揉搓出我们身份的那些惨痛经验，但我们在惨痛的经验之后，却会追寻我们的身份。我们不能承担无谓的痛苦，但如果我们认定它是有意义的，我们就能忍受巨大的痛苦。安逸比起挣扎并不会对我们留下深刻的印象。
We could have been ourselves without our delights, but notwithout the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning. "Therefore, Itake pleasure in infirmities," St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,"for when I am weak, then I am strong."
没有了喜悦，我们还会是我们，但没有了促使我们追寻意义的不幸，我们就不是现今的自己。“所以，我在不幸中得到快乐，”圣保罗在第二哥林多前书中写道， ”当我软弱时，我是坚强的。“
In 1988, I went to Moscowto interview artists of the Soviet underground, and I expected their work to bedissident and political. But the radicalism in their work actually lay inreinserting humanity into a society that was annihilating humanity itself, as, in some senses, Russian society is now doing again. One of the artists I metsaid to me, "We were in training to be not artists but angels."
1988年，我前往莫斯科采访苏联的地下艺术家，我本以为他们的作品会是持不同意见的和政治性的。但是他们作品中的激进其实在把人性重新注入在毁灭人性的社会中，正如，在某程度上，现今的俄罗斯社会再一次在做的。 我遇到的其中一名艺术家对我说， "我们正在苦炼成为天使，而不是艺术家。”
In 1991, I went back tosee the artists I'd been writing about, and I was with them during the putschthat ended the Soviet Union, and they were among the chief organizers of theresistance to that putsch. And on the third day of the putsch, one of themsuggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.
1991年，我回到莫斯科拜访这些我曾写过的艺术家, 我和他们一起度过了，终结苏联的政变，而他们是抵抗政变的主要组织者之一。在政变的第三天，他们其中的一员建议我们去斯莫兰卡雅（莫斯科地名）。
And we went there, and we arrangedourselves in front of one of the barricades, and a little while later, a columnof tanks rolled up, and the soldier on the front tank said, "We haveunconditional orders to destroy this barricade. If you get out of the way, wedon't need to hurt you, but if you won't move, we'll have no choice but to runyou down." And the artists I was with said, "Give us just a minute.Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."
我们去了那里，然后我们列好队站在一个街垒前，过了一会儿，一列坦克车开来了， 最前方的坦克车士兵说，“我们有无条件的命令 要摧毁这个街垒。如果你们让开， 我们不需伤害你们，但如果你们待在这儿，我们没办法只能压过你们。”和我在一起的艺术家们说，“给我们一分钟，给我们一分钟告诉你我们为什么在这里。”
And the soldier foldedhis arms, and the artist launched into a Jeffersonian panegyric to democracysuch as those of us who live in a Jeffersonian democracy would be hard-pressedto present. And they went on and on, and the soldier watched, and then he satthere for a full minute after they were finished and looked at us so bedraggledin the rain, and said,
那个士兵把双臂交叉在胸前，那名艺术家开始以杰斐逊式的民主颂词，这是我们这些生活在杰斐逊式的民主社会的人也苦于表达的。他们滔滔不绝地说着，而那名士兵看着他们，知道他们说完了之后，他坐在那里待了整整一分钟，看着我们这群落汤鸡， 然后说，
"What you have said is true, and we must bow to thewill of the people. If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around, we'llgo back the way we came." And that's what they did. Sometimes, forgingmeaning can give you the vocabulary you need to fight for your ultimatefreedom.
“你们说的是事实，而我们必须听从民意。如果你们让出足够的位置让我们掉头， 我们会原路返回。”而他们果真这样做了。有时，铸造意义能给你所需要的辞藻来争取你最终的自由。
Russia awakened me to thelemonade notion that oppression breeds the power to oppose it, and I graduallyunderstood that as the cornerstone of identity. It took identity to rescue mefrom sadness. The gay rights movement posits a world in which my aberrances area victory.
俄罗斯让我意识到逆境求生的概念： 剥削会繁衍抵抗剥削的力量，而我逐渐明白了这是身份的基石。身份从伤痛中拯救了我。同性恋权利运动憧憬一个我的畸形是一种胜利。
Identity politics always works on two fronts: to give pride topeople who have a given condition or characteristic, and to cause the outsideworld to treat such people more gently and more kindly. Those are two totallyseparate enterprises, but progress in each sphere reverberates in the other.
身份的政治总是从两方面出发：给有特殊情况或特征的人应有的自豪；和让外在的世界温柔地善待这些人。这是两种不同的途径，但不管哪个方面的进展，都会在另一方面造成回响。
Identity politics can be narcissistic. People extol a difference only becauseit's theirs. People narrow the world and function in discrete groups withoutempathy for one another. But properly understood and wisely practiced, identitypolitics should expand our idea of what it is to be human. Identity itselfshould be not a smug label or a gold medal but a revolution.
身份的政治可以变成自恋的。人们称赞不同只是应为那是他们自身的。人们把世界窄化，形成个体，对他人毫无同情。但如果它得以正确的理解和理智的运用，身份的政治应该扩充我们对人性的概念。身份自身不应是让人自满的标签或是一枚金牌，但应是一个革命。
I would have had aneasier life if I were straight, but I would not be me, and I now like beingmyself better than the idea of being someone else, someone who, to be honest, Ihave neither the option of being nor the ability fully to imagine.
如果我是异性恋，我的生活会轻松很多，但我不会是我，我现在比较喜欢做我自己而不想成为另一个人，说实话，我无法成为，也无法想象其他人。
But if youbanish the dragons, you banish the heroes, and we become attached to the heroicstrain in our own lives. I've sometimes wondered whether I could have ceased tohate that part of myself without gay pride's technicolor fiesta, of which thisspeech is one manifestation.
但如果你驱逐了恶龙，你也同时驱逐了英雄，而我们无法放下我们生命中英雄的那一部分。我有时候会问自己，如果没有同性恋权益的色彩斑斓， (这个演讲就是其显像之一），我能否停止憎恨自己的那一部分。
I used to think I would know myself to be maturewhen I could simply be gay without emphasis, but the self-loathing of thatperiod left a void, and celebration needs to fill and overflow it, and even ifI repay my private debt of melancholy, there's still an outer world ofhomophobia that it will take decades to address. Someday, being gay will be asimple fact, free of party hats and blame, but not yet.
我曾经认为当我是同性恋者，却不加宣扬时，我就成熟了，但那段时间的自厌留下了一个洞，需要靠庆祝来填满和倾注，就算我还清了我自身的悲伤，外在的同性恋恐惧症还是存在的，那需要几十年的时间来解决。有一天，同性恋身份会是个简单的事实，没有夸耀或指责，但现在不是这样。
A friend of mine whothought gay pride was getting very carried away with itself, once suggestedthat we organize Gay Humility Week. It's a great idea,but its time has not yet come. (Laughter) And neutrality, which seems to liehalfway between despair and celebration, is actually the endgame.
我有个朋友，他认为同性恋权益忘乎所以，他提议我们举行同性恋“谦卑”一周。这是个好主意，但它的时间未到。（笑声）而中立，这似乎在绝望和庆祝中间的东西，才是最终的目标。
In 29 states in the U.S.,I could legally be fired or denied housing for being gay. In Russia, theanti-propaganda law has led to people being beaten in the streets. Twenty-sevenAfrican countries have passed laws against sodomy, and in Nigeria, gay peoplecan legally be stoned to death, and lynchings have become common.
在美国有29个州，法律准许我因为同性恋身份，而被开除或被拒之门外。在俄罗斯，反政治宣传法导致人们在大街上被殴打。二十七个非洲国家立法严禁肛交，在尼日利亚，同性恋者可以合法地被处于石刑，私刑也最近变得越发常见。
In SaudiArabia recently, two men who had been caught in carnal acts, were sentenced to7,000 lashes each, and are now permanently disabled as a result. So who canforge meaning and build identity?
近日在沙特阿拉伯，两个被逮到在发生肉体关系的男人，每人被判了7000下的鞭刑，而现在变得终身残疾。那谁能铸造意义和建立身份呢？
Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,and for the millions who live in unaccepting places with no resources, dignityremains elusive. I am lucky to have forged meaning and built identity, butthat's still a rare privilege, and gay people deserve more collectively thanthe crumbs of justice.
同性恋权益不主要是婚姻权益，而对数以百万生活在不包容和缺少资源地方的人们，尊严是可望而不可及的。我很幸运，能够铸造意义和建造身份，但这是少有的特权，同性恋者群体应得到的 不只是一点点的正义。
And yet, every stepforward is so sweet. In 2007, six years after we met, my partner and I decidedto get married. Meeting John had been the discovery of great happiness and alsothe elimination of great unhappiness, and sometimes, I was so occupied with thedisappearance of all that pain that I forgot about the joy, which was at firstthe less remarkable part of it to me. Marrying was a way to declare our love asmore a presence than an absence.
然而，每点进步都是甜蜜的。在2007年，在我和我的伴侣相识六年后，我们决定结婚。遇见约翰让我找到了巨大的快乐，也去除了庞大的不快乐，有时候，我太在乎着 痛苦的消失，而忘了喜悦，它一开始并不是那么的起眼。婚姻是我们宣扬我们爱的存在而不是缺憾。
Marriage soon led us tochildren, and that meant new meanings and new identities, ours and theirs. Iwant my children to be happy, and I love them most achingly when they are sad.As a gay father, I can teach them to own what is wrong in their lives, but I believethat if I succeed in sheltering them from adversity, I will have failed as aparent.
婚姻很快把我们引导向孩子， 而这意味着新的意义 和新的身份，我们的和他们的。 我要我的孩子们开心，在他们伤心时，我最疼他们。 作为一名同性恋的父亲，我可以教导他们去理解他们生命中的错误，但我相信如果我成功地让他们远离逆境， 那我身为父亲是失败的。
A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me that Westernersmistakenly think that nirvana is what arrives when all your woe is behind youand you have only bliss to look forward to. But he said that would not benirvana, because your bliss in the present would always be shadowed by the joyfrom the past. Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at when you have only blissto look forward to and find in what looked like sorrows the seedlings of yourjoy.
我认识的一位佛教学者曾向我解释，西方人错误地认为涅磐降临在所有疾苦消逝，只剩下幸福在眼前的时候。但他说这不是涅磐，因为你现今的幸福总会被以前的喜悦掩盖。以他来看，涅磐的降临，是当你眼前只有幸福，而在看起来像是悲伤里也能找到喜悦的种子。
And I sometimes wonder whether I could have found such fulfillment inmarriage and children if they'd come more readily, if I'd been straight in myyouth or were young now, in either of which cases this might be easier. PerhapsI could. Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done could have been applied toother topics.
有时候我在想，如果婚姻和孩子来得更容易些，我是否会找到这样的满足，而如果我年轻时是异性恋，或我还年轻，它们会让事情变得简单。也许我会的。也许我做过的所有的复杂事情都可以应用在其他的议题上。
But if seeking meaning matters more than finding meaning, thequestion is not whether I'd be happier for having been bullied, but whetherassigning meaning to those experiences has made me a better father. I tend tofind the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys, because I did not expect those joysto be ordinary to me.
但如果寻求意义比找到意义更重要，那问题不是我是不是因为被欺负而更加快乐， 而是这些被赋予意义的经历是否让我成为更好的父亲。我常常发现在普通的快乐中躲藏的狂喜，因为我不认定这些快乐对我来说是普通的。
I know many heterosexualswho have equally happy marriages and families, but gay marriage is sobreathtakingly fresh, and gay families so exhilaratingly new, and I foundmeaning in that surprise.
我认识许多异性恋者他们有着同样快乐的婚姻和家庭，但同性婚姻是那么的让人赞叹的新鲜，同性家庭是那么的令人振奋的新奇，而我在这惊喜中找到了意义。
In October, it was my50th birthday, and my family organized a party for me, and in the middle of it,my son said to my husband that he wanted to make a speech, and John said,"George, you can't make a speech. You're four." (Laughter)
10月是我的50岁生日，我的家人为我举办了派对，在进行到一半时，我的儿子对我的先生说他想要演讲，约翰说，“乔治，你不能演讲，你才四岁。” （笑声）
"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I are going to make speeches tonight." ButGeorge insisted and insisted, and finally, John took him up to the microphone,and George said very loudly, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have yourattention please."
“今晚只有爷爷和大卫叔叔和我要演讲。”但是乔治一再的坚持，终于约翰把他带到了麦克风前，然后乔治很大声的说，“女士们先生们，请大家注意一下。”
And everyone turned around, startled. And George said,"I'm glad it's Daddy's birthday. I'm glad we all get cake. And daddy, ifyou were little, I'd be your friend."
大家都转过身来，惊呆了，乔治说道，“我很高兴今天是爹爹的生日。我很高兴有蛋糕吃。还有，爹爹，如果你还是小孩，我会做你的朋友。”
And I thought — Thankyou. I thought that I was indebted even to Bobby Finkel, because all thoseearlier experiences were what had propelled me to this moment, and I wasfinally unconditionally grateful for a life I'd once have done anything tochange.
而我想 （ 谢谢） 我想我甚至对鲍比都有亏欠，应为所有这些先前的经历把我带到了现在这一刻，而我终于无条件地感激这个我一度千方百计想要改变的人生，一个年轻的同性恋男人。
The gay activist HarveyMilk was once asked by a younger gay man what he could do to help the movement,and Harvey Milk said, "Go out and tell someone." There's alwayssomebody who wants to confiscate our humanity, and there are always stories thatrestore it. If we live out loud, we can trounce the hatred and expandeveryone's lives.
曾问过同性恋运动人士哈维·米尔克，他能为这个运动做点什么, 哈维·米尔克说， “出去告诉一个人。”世上总是有人想要没收我们的人性，但也总是有恢复人性的故事。如果我们活出精彩，我们就能战胜憎恨拓宽众人的生命。
Forge meaning. Buildidentity. Forge meaning. Build identity. And then invite the world to shareyour joy.Thank you.
铸造意义，建立身份，铸造意义，建立身份。 然后邀请世界共享你的喜悦。谢谢。
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